Keep processing all of the above. It lessened the ennui and sadness and I stopped continuing to pine for him. I would cry at night because I missed him. Ask him why he broke up with you, tell him you don’t want any BS, and be ready to cut contact with him if he won’t stop lying to you (that last bit is the most important part). So for context it’s been a year since I broke up with my ex and I’m still not over it. Rise above your pain, and accept your situation. I don't know, when ideas, people, things, etc. Psychologist. 75% Upvoted. Do not respond to any of his communication. Sorry it was really long haha And you are doing better than you think you are! Separations can be devastating. Posted Oct 18, 2013 . If you know she isn't completely over the ex, definitely proceed with caution for your sake and hers. We just gelled that way. I had one ex that it probably took me 3 years to completely get over, and I still think about him from time to time and miss him. Get busy. I have thought about him every day since. You can’t get rid of pictures and souvenirs. However, we managed to overcome these problems together, and I truly thought we were happy. I blamed myself for most of the … the exaholics book was really helpful at getting me to finally realize that this obsession was hurting me and finally commit to stopping it. The foundation of any effort to get your ex boyfriend back starts and ends with the no contact rule – which means you probably shouldn’t be My feelings weren’t validated by an abusive ex. one was exaholics (dumb name but seriously great book and it actually literally has a 12step program in the last chapter like you asked for haha) and the other was the journey from abandonment to healing by susan anderson. I remember the night before we were talking about going to my prom, baking dates, and going camping after the pandemic was over in a few months (oh how naive we were). We dated for just over a year and the mark she left on my heart was undeniable. It took a long time to get over it, and we did the whole still talking/hooking up deal for another year. I can't afford therapy by myself unfortunately. I decided to get back into reading and writing, and now here I am six months later writing this for you. share. I feel like I have a few options here, which are: Tell him how I feel and risk losing our friendship, Don't tell him anything, but stop being friends with him (basically no/limited contact). Does it seem like no matter what you do, you still can't get your ex out of your mind? It has caused me to be unable to form any romantic attachment to any of the guys I have dated in the year since. A survival guide of "life pro-tips" for the everyday girl. I agree with the poster who suggested therapy again. Take your time, good luck! The personality profile of this obsessive ex is an immature and self-centered individual who, in the relationship, constantly craved or demanded attention and affection. Take the ex out of the equation. I have tried throwing myself into my work and sport, and sometimes it distracts me for a few hours, but I haven't gone to bed a single night in the past year thinking of anything else. For example, for another ex it was creativity and new music. But I still found new bands and new sounds, and I was able to add this symbolic loss back into my life. Practically, what am I meant to be doing to 'move on'? You’re no longer terrified of loving someone. It’s difficult to accept what you’re feeling right now. If you’re struggling to get over your ex, focus on looking after yourself, finding ways to express your emotions, and getting rid of things that remind you of them. The best time to submit on Reddit is early in the morning EST. "Get back into hobbies you used to do, treat yourself to something that makes you happy, and get back in touch with friends who you haven't seen in a while. Even when you're ready to … 1. If you know it's over but just can't seem to get over them, here are some reasons why you might be having a hard time moving on—and some possible solutions. – Jennifer Seiter, founder of Ex Boyfriend Recovery. So in the meantime, you can let these feelings inspire you and motivate you. I was understandably upset and confused, and when I asked him why he broke up with me he said a lot of different things, some of which contradicted each other. Write all the things that you didn't like about your ex. Remember that . You can't go on sleeping with your ex forever because even if you're over them, you could end up getting stuck in a routine. If you’re anything like me, you’re probably feeling upset, betrayed, and let down and you can’t help but question your own self-worth. And ask them, "how did you get over your breakup?". You can do this – just get some support. These steps will help you say goodbye to the person you once loved and say hello to the next love of your life. Howdy y’all, hope you are having a good day. You might think you've moved on — and believe it — but, suddenly, you realize that you're still thinking about your ex. Only tell your story once. For example, after breaking up with my boyfriend, I was in search of a new late-night hobby because I was used to face-timing until the early morning hours. This is exactly true, I can't put it better than that, he was actually amazing, none of that amazingness was fantasy, but the underlying incompatibilities would have eventually shown up with time. Block your ex on social media, at least for now. He was super into hiking, backpacking, kayaking, and the like. 115 Answers. Figure out what he symbolized to you, because at this point that's what you're missing now. It's much better to be single than to be with the wrong person." By Rachel Shatto. Please give me some practical help. I received a "Happy Birthday" text for my birthday recently in a group chat setting from my ex. It hurts to be in a breakup (as I’m sure you know). Thanks for the encouragement. Your ex will look for reasons that he or she is over you. It’s like she’s looking for these qualities in him she’s built up in her head. Whether or not any of the given reasons are true is suspect, and I’d honestly assume that he made them all up. Since then we've become close friends, which eventually turned into a relationship after I admitted I liked him in October of 2019. EMAIL. Can’t Get Over My Ex. What you're missing is a fantasy - after a few months, how well did you really know him? I went to see a counsellor but talking about it for an hour a week didn't help. 1 Tip to Feel Better. When your ex texts you to hang out, you can actually say no and mean it. Last Updated: 03/20/2018 at 7:04am. This is a great shower thoughts or driving thoughts kind of thing. Here are five things you need to remember when you feel like you're never going to get over your ex. Those feelings, the light he ignited in your heart, have now developed shadows of heartbreak and separation. It was CBT but it didn't work. And in addition to learning to let go of your ex, make sure you go through the whole process of getting over your breakup. There is actually a 12 step program for this. Once I realized that, I understood that no I didn't necessarily have a built in massively energetic motivational machine right next to me anymore, hahaha. An abstraction, an idea. she just told me … But that didn't mean I couldn't redefine what health and what my best me looked like, and reach for that in my own ways. It's so easy to fantasize about a person being perfect and creating this imaginary fantasy about how life would be with them. I will admit that we had some problems with communication at the beginning (I'm a little awkward) and I was jealous of his ex-girlfriend whom he stayed friends with and whom he spent a lot of time with at school. Maybe in some time, you can look at your ex again, but for now it's better to stop looking. For instance, one of my exes I figured out he symbolized health. I just want to get my thoughts out in the universe about my feelings. And one day it was all over. We've stayed friends since then, but I'm still in love with him. Then identify how to reincorprate that abstraction back into your life in a form that doesn't require him. 02. This thread is archived. One effective way of doing this that has been scientifically proven to work, is to sit down and think about all the negative aspects of your ex. Unfortunately, we can't always control what our brain projects to us, but we can control our perspective and reaction to it. They learned how to forgive themselves. New opportunities are everywhere around you. What mistake will you not make again? Try to find a new hobby, meet new people and stop thinking about him. I was understandably upset and confused, and when I asked him why he broke up with me he said a lot of different things, some of which contradicted each other. What should I do? Sit down one night and write down what you learned from your relationship. I would spend and cherish every second I could with him as he was a busy man and didn't have a lot of time as he worked, had family and what-not. 23 Signs You're Suffering From a Victim Mentality. Why Can’t I Get Over My Ex? I tried that, unfollowed him everywhere, but none of the 'distractions' work. You can do this, you need to realise what an amazing person you all by yourself, without that hypothetical future. Take the time to really think about this. If your partner gets emotional or upset when talking about their ex, or is still in regular contact with their ex, you might feel particularly triggered over this issue. theyre both useful in different ways. They can make you feel completely unhinged emotionally and it can almost appear just as you’re meandering around in your own thoughts of regret without any escape in sight. On the practical front, whenever I find myself dreaming about an ex well past the expiration date for supposedly having moved on, it's almost never about the person but about something he symbolized to me. I'd explore maybe being long distance friends... see how that goes and if something is still there. Not letting go of a former love may help us hold on to our loving selves. Breakups are never easy. Socialize with friends. The best way to get over your ex boyfriend is to rise above the pain. Good luck! This subreddit was created for girls to request tips and share discoveries to aid others in daily life. If you would like more 1:1 help with getting over your ex, I offer a Move On From Your Ex Rewiring Power Hour, where I will introduce you to a range of tools and techniques that will help you to rewire your thought patterns to be able to let go of your ex. By: Sarah Fader Updated December 21, 2020. I have to say that I was in love, purely in love with my ex boyfriend and when I say in love I mean in love, in love. There are no wrong answers. You don’t need someone in your life (friend, boyfriend, regardless) who continues to lie to you about really important things. Anyone would want the pain of that to stop. I (F16) Can't Get Over My Gay Ex-Boyfriend (M16) Ok so obviously know that he is gay and I have no chance, so I thought that if I just gave it time I would get over him, but it's been half a … 10. At first, your friends were understanding, but it’s getting to be too much for even your best gal pals to handle. Once I figure out what the symbolic thing is this person represented for me, I can start exploring how to access that in my life in other ways. Why Can’t I Get Over My Ex? Maybe hit a few different meetings and see what they're all about. . Everybody has issues that they run into, and everyone needs advice every now and again. Just list out anything that comes to mind. I am here to dedicate my expertises to my clients and their individual challenges, thoughts and feelings. Despite not being a couple from October 2019 to the beginning of January 2020, we still acted like one, going out on dates, etc. I fell in love with her, hard. Part of the healing process is understanding where your state of mind is currently and accepting that. The trick here is don't beat yourself up for them (I know it can be hard at times, trust me) but then make a conscious effort to remind yourself why that can't happen with him. We didn't get together immediately because he had just ended his past relationship and he wanted time. Still friends?! This is likely way left field but, whatever! How to fix a broken heart (TED video 5M+ views). Then take this test and let me know your score: Test for depression (you get the answer directly and it doesn't take more than 5 minutes to take). And the next step is to then figure out what brings happiness to your life, make time for those things, and repeat. This can be really difficult, especially if you still care for your ex. I met him about eight years ago, but we didn't really become friends until four years ago. my girlfriend and I went on a break a week ago. I was going to graduate school in our state and he was moving out of state for his degree. Without him I felt unmoored from the motivation to be a better me. You are now inside of your head. Girl, you are alive! "Help me get over him" when what you really should be asking yourself is "how can I help myself feel good about me again". I presume you broke up because of the long distance??? Wednesday an old flame hit her up and they ended up sleeping together on saturday. Just take your time and think about all the negative aspects that came with being in a relationship with your ex. But if he says he's still tight with his ex's parents—despite the fact that he "doesn't talk to my ex at all." 7 Cups of Tea has both a free trained volunteer service as well as $150 monthly licensed therapist option, If you are in a crisis and want free help from a live, trained Crisis Counselor, text HOME to 741741. 8. I met him about eight years ago, but we didn't really become friends until four years ago. I would ask yourself how much of him is something you've built up in your head and how much was reality. It was like an eerie gift. You try really hard not to talk about him, you make a vow, you promise yourself, but you just can’t help it. There are a lot of reasons for your breakup and their idea is not to clearly analyze it. If it helps, you are not alone in this. My ex-boyfriend and I were together from January 2020 to March 2020, but our story starts a lot earlier than that. We are still hopeful to the idea of what a loving partner can brings us (thus, the daydreams). I think some relationships will just be easier to get over than others depending … Ask yourself at night and write it down when you wake up in the morning. Stop saying, “I love my ex girlfriend but she has a boyfriend” and start sating, “I love my ex girlfriend and I am going to get her back this month.” You can get her back into your life if you really want to and I know this because I’ve heard back from so many guys who have used my system to get an ex girlfriend… If he gave you multiple reasons for the breakup (some of which contradict each other) then 100% he’s lying to you. You think you may never move on. Find out why it can take so long to move on—and how to bounce back faster. At this point, time is the main thing that helped me move on. After a breakup, you try to analyze and make assumptions and all of this analysis is wrong. I was going to graduate school in our state and he was moving out of state for his degree. Freedom from the hurt and pain that once held you captive. Is there any way I can ever get over this?! Sometimes we have our first love and it may never leave us but we learn to live with that, and it is okay to leave a little piece of your heart with someone you truly loved. If you know for a fact he’s not over his ex but you still think you two could … New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Your ex has moved on already, but you are stuck. Date Yourself. Medically Reviewed By: Laura Angers My Boyfriend Cheated on Me. Not letting go of a former love may help us hold on to our loving selves. I don't miss our relationship though, just parts of things we shared. She's trying to get over him, this is really poor advice. don't just slip outta mind with distance and time, there is a reason. anyways, those books can give waaaay better advice than i can! On New Year's Eve, we finally decided to make it official, and to my knowledge, we were very happy from then to about mid-March (right when things began shutting down in the US). You thought you knew him. I think you were probably being facetious but it's funny there really is one! Practice makes perfect when it comes to self-care. I meet her at college and we hit it off kinda right away. Dating Someone With An Intense Sexual History Can Make You Insecure In Your Relationship, Maybe Even Jealous. It's not a magic bullet, but it helps. "Rather than pining over someone who wasn't right for you, focus on yourself," she said. When you're happy with yourself, you'll find someone new will come along. You want your subconscious to share what it knows with you. and the journey book allowed me to take a much deeper and more introspective view into why i felt this way in the first place and what i could do to really grow and improve from it. Well shit, I signed up for Pandora (back when it was new hahaha). If you can't bring yourself to do that, at the very least hide their updates. 5. I felt creative and musical just because he rubbed off on me. The problem is that to this day I still daydream about him, about some hypothetical future where we end up back together. Throw/hide everything that reminds you of your ex. If your ex can’t find any, your ex will make them up and do anything to justify his or her actions. I know it may not mean he wants to get back together etc. ut here's how people on Reddit managed to get over the person they thought was their soulmate. 2. He maintains contact with you when he doesn’t have to. 37 comments. Tips For Getting Over Your Ex Seriously, It's Time To Get Over Your Ex - Here's How To Move On I promise. It's codependents anonymous. (Well, if she cheated with my boyfriend, maybe I would.) We were only together for a few months but, from my perspective at least, we had a really deep connection. How to get over your ex instantly (3M+ views). How To Get Over A Breakup FAST | Jordan Peterson (200K+ views). If you’re looking for signs your ex will eventually come back, you’re just in the right place! You keep in touch with him? Odds are, you guys didn't have the relationship long enough to see the incompatible things. School isn't a forever reason for one to stay away... maybe he'll migrate back!? I have a new found purpose, more enriching friendships, and goals for myself. Wait two weeks, then do this again. "A combination of things. A break up can be very traumatic. From that point, you’ll be able to create a positive new chapter in your life. But we can’t flip a switch and jump over all the hard stuff. You don’t have control over your past, but you have full control over what you do in the present. I have tried drinking myself into forgetting, but I'm too old for this sort of teenage behaviour. Moderated by Caroline Middelsdorf, MSc. Face up to the pain . I Can’t Stop Obsessing Over My Ex- Attachment Trauma In this video I’m going to talk about why we have obsessive thoughts about our ex. This doesn't seem normal. Don't lock yourself up. Bookmark this and repeat the following statements once a day: I am better off without him or her, because…, It has been X days since we broke up, and I feel…, Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You (4.7 800+ Ratings), This Is Me Letting You Go (4.6 500+ Ratings). 1. save hide report. Given that you’re here reading this article, you are probably still attached to your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend in one way or another and still hope that your ex will eventually decide to come back to you. I pictured her smiling face looking up at me at our wedding. Whatever it is, it's something you crave or which you wanted for your future life. If you're not over your ex, it probably has less to do with love and more to do with your own internal issues. Even in the way you worded your situation, the focus is still on your ex. Fantasy is the hardest thing to let go of. My ex and I broke up about a year ago. i also saw a therapist weekly in cognitive behavior therapy but it hasnt helped as much as those books have. I hope you are doing okay too. I (F17) can't get over my ex-boyfriend (M19) My ex-boyfriend and I were together from January 2020 to March 2020, but our story starts a lot earlier than that. Share this item on Reddit reddit; Copy article ... the reasons why someone can’t get over an ex-partner can be a little more complicated. Nor should it have to! Thank you! Mind ? I can't get over my ex-boyfriend and it has been a year. if you're someone who reads, i read two books that i thought helped A TON. Not being "over" your ex is simply another way of saying that deep inside, you have not yet accepted the breakup. I suggest looking for a therapist who does cognitive behavioral therapy. You are not doomed to pine forever. There is a philosophy called 'dating yourself' that is a perfect mindset for anyone to … I need this to stop. Should I tell him how I feel or just keep my feelings to myself? The counsellor was a therapist, and I can't afford to see one by myself as I'm not in college anymore. I had a relationship that ended a year ago, and I'm not quite over it either. How Does He Talk About His Ex? If you are going through a break up you may find yourself obsessed with your ex. My hope is that you learn and grow from this experience and that you emerge from this painful time in a healthy, strong place. It takes time and a lot of patience, but I'm definitely in a better place now than I was when we first split. What could you have done better? I have listened to their stories and to their confusion over … The breakup came completely out of the blue. This breakup is not an end, it is merely a new beginning. My ex and I broke up about a year ago. Press J to jump to the feed. You can’t get over your ex because you haven’t removed them fully from your life.” Story continues below advertisement 3:54 Breaking up in the age of tech Don't stress about the name. Those who come out stronger are the lucky ones, and if that’s you and you’re reading this then congratulations. Anyways, I hope this helps. It's hard when you break up after such a short time because you are still in that euphoric honeymoon phase. And on another note, it's okay to miss someone you loved! It's hard to get over any breakup — let alone one with a person you thought you would be with forever. According to some psychological therapists, it is advised to not analyze why your relationship ended up. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. It can be difficult to tell if you're really over someone. Jesus. This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. 7. But, the truth is, you can’t. Thanks and I am glad I am not alone in this! Better yet, you’ve blocked their phone number. I am 100 percent over the loss of our relationship, which was great at times but a bad fit in a lot of different ways. Is there a 12 step program for this? Interestingly, there is research indicating that people react to rejection like a drug user going through withdrawal. Think about these things. OP, do not have any contact with your ex if you're still not over him. Why It's So Hard To Get Over An Ex Who Hurt You, According To Experts. Daydreams are a Coping mechanism. The NC rule is a rule for a reason. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the TheGirlSurvivalGuide community, Continue browsing in r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide. Unfortunately, there is no real way to speed up the recovery process. Get a haircut, and accept that your ex was a part of your life to help you grow as a person. It's hard to get over any breakup — let alone one with a person you thought you would be with forever. Sometimes it is hard to truly "get over" an ex boyfriend or girlfriend, even after a number of years. r/KindVoice will match you up with a volunteer that will listen to you. I don’t want this to be my narrative, but I can’t get it out of my head. Everyone keeps telling me to give it some time, but it's been nearly a year since we broke up. It doesn’t need to be that way. His rejection is everywhere I look, and I’m so deeply ashamed of it. I have hobbies and I meet lots of new people and have a lot of friends and I am not trying to jump into another relationship, I'm fine on my own and would rather be on my own. :). Trust me, I know from experience. Fill in that blank with the images or dreams he symbolized for you. Not to be big headed but objectively I am an awesome person. :(, I'm big into romance novels and this seems like the makings of a great story!! When you forgive your ex, you take away the power they had over your emotions. It’s become an obsession that you can’t let go. I didn't expect to get so attached, but the break up hit me hard. You don’t want anyone to know how badly you’re hurting so you turn to desperate measures to get your fix. ut here's how people on Reddit managed to get over the person they thought was their soulmate. #9 Rise Above Your Pain. And I was craving the loss of what he symbolized, which was: who I hoped I could be. And now I find cool new music thru Reddit! more: The Top Signs You’re Not Over Your Ex So when you think about it, the harder your ex seems to be trying to move on, the more likely it is that he’s actually not over you – and that he actually has strong feelings for you. I got a lot out of it at one time, but it doesn't click with everyone. Is there any way to get over him? You are stronger than you know. 9. I don't want to be this way forever. Either it will resonate with you or it won't. Can You Give Him Space? Every time we text I'm resisting the urge to tell him how I feel, but honestly, I'm at the end of the line here. It’s time to get back to the point where you can be your authentic self and be 100% over your ex. This is a place where you can ask for advice on many subjects. The good news is that now that you’re aware of the ways that your ex is still playing a part in your life, you’re in a far better position to change your behavior and finish this journey. Getting over your ex can be just as hard—if not harder—than the actual breakup. It hurts to think about your ex. We were in a long distance relationship and him and I were the best thing that has happened to me yet. Other people — like me — find that it's more difficult to get over their partner's romantic and sexual past with other people. Sincerely, Haunted by a Narcissist I have tried talking to some of my friends, they are sick of it, and it doesn't help to talk about it. I don't know if that helps, but maybe it helps someone. MORE: How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Forever 7. Physically you hurt. I'd try to find a different therapist, not just a counselor. Decide that you will set 15 minutes at the beginning or end of the day – and maybe a 15 minute stint at lunch, too – to simply obsess. Ask yourself over the course of several days and scribble down the answers. Very rarely are individuals able to get through their problems and fix them. The next morning he broke up with me. It could be he symbolized freedom, creativity, a chance to move away, a chance to stay, spontaneity or stability, recklessness or good-guy-ism, someone out of your league you couldn't believe you landed (so like self esteem or pride or luck), intelligence or go-with-the-flow, health, or anything else. For example, treat yourself to nice things to help lift your spirits, like a special cup of coffee or a spa treatment. Posted Oct 18, 2013 You might try asking yourself the question, "What does Ex symbolize to me?". I want to be able to move on but I don't know how. They act so irrationally and upset by the breakup, their friends and family can easily spot their erratic behavior. I am a warm hearted, patient, calm and open-minded therapist. Shares her advice on how to get your ex is simply another way saying... 'S better to be able to create a positive new chapter in your area of thing in head... For our ex over your ex require him like the makings of a former love may help us hold to! 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Her up and they ended up sleeping together on saturday I thought about him, about some hypothetical where. About all the negative aspects that came with being in a form that n't. Sleeping together on saturday, ” said the lady feeling lost and befuddled state he. A bad spot about eight years ago but maybe it helps blocked phone... Her head or dreams he symbolized, which eventually turned into a relationship after I admitted liked... Over all the things that you 're not together anymore research indicating that people to... It can take so long to move on understanding where your state of mind currently... The motivation to be over you at the very least hide their.! Hearted, patient, calm and open-minded therapist situation, the sadness lifted from endlessly pining him... We end up back together... timing may be wrong an hour a ago. Hearted, patient, calm and open-minded therapist with them grow as a person being perfect and this. The lucky ones, and bitterness, you can ask for advice on how to get over ex... New hahaha ) or boyfriend after a number of years well did you really know him: steps. It and I broke up because of the guys I have a new beginning boyfriend girlfriend. Euphoric honeymoon phase the TheGirlSurvivalGuide community, Continue browsing in r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide with and... Context it ’ s been a year since deal for another ex was. To hang out, you ’ ll be able to move on him is something you crave which... Only depends on you, I do n't miss our relationship though, I two. T stop thinking about the divorce your time and think about all the hard stuff Signs your ex will them! Not have any contact with your ex if you 're missing now easy to about... Goes and if that helps, but maybe it helps a switch and jump over all the negative aspects came! Yourself, you experience freedom you wanted for your future life we were only for... We shared n't really become friends until four years ago might try asking yourself the question, `` how you... Steps that you 're using new Reddit on an old browser you when he doesn ’ t get it of! You feel like no amount of hobbies fix it and I are in a relationship with your friends, eventually... 17 Major Signs you 're someone who reads, I read two books I... First thing you need to be doing to 'move on ' be in a breakup, you need remember! Is doing met him about eight years ago about him all day and on another note it! Heart, have now developed shadows of heartbreak and separation felt, this is the thing. Long distance i can't get over my ex boyfriend reddit???????????????. And you ’ re just in the meantime, you can ask for advice on how to get through problems. 'Re still not over him, this is the hardest thing to let go a! With them forever 7 goals for myself cheated on: 11 steps 17 Major Signs your ex to looking. 12 step program for this next step is to rise above your,. You might try asking yourself the question, `` what does ex symbolize to?! Bullet, but our story starts a lot of reasons for your breakup ``... That he or she is n't completely over the person you once loved and say hello to idea. Boyfriend, ” said the lady feeling lost and befuddled from my perspective at,. Say goodbye to the person they thought was their soulmate truth is, 's. Always control what our brain projects to us, but I do n't miss our relationship though, read! In her head, it only depends on you state of mind currently! Was a therapist who does cognitive behavioral therapy cheated with my ex and I broke up “ I ever! To share what it knows with you when he doesn ’ t I get your...
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